


The Hero of My Dreams

by urisarang



Category: Spider-Man (Tom Holland Movies), The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, Dreamscapes, Friends to Lovers, It Gets Worse Before It Gets Better, M/M, Major Character Injury, Strangers to Friends
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-03-16
Updated: 2020-03-19
Packaged: 2021-03-01 01:21:34
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 4
Words: 9,835
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23166919
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/urisarang/pseuds/urisarang
Summary: Peter has been having a reoccurring nightmare with the same scenario over and over.  There is a man crying out for help in the distance and for the longest time he isn't able to make it in time to save him until one night he finally does.What started off as a nightmare for the young hero turns into something special when he finally saves the man because saving him doesn't put an end to the dreams like he thought it would. . .AU Set part way through Civil War into Homecoming.  It's 99% A Quentin/Peter story though so won't deal much with the ramifications of Civil warON HIATUS UNTIL MY BRAIN RETURNS TO THIS PAIRING.  Will do a full re-write as I never liked how I started this one.  Apologies.
Relationships: Quentin Beck/Peter Parker
Comments: 15
Kudos: 40





	1. Haunting My Dreams

**Author's Note:**

> I realized I had started this story off on the wrong foot, never liked the first chapter I wrote of it so I'm re-arranging the story so sorry if you started this before I fixed my mistake. It should be much better I think this way, regret jumping the gun and posting before I was half way through the writing phase. Sorry xD

Peter has been having a reoccurring dream the last few weeks where he hears someone in the distance calling out for help but he never seems to make it in time. He had only just gotten his powers so it wasn't really a surprise he would have nightmares about not being fast enough to save someone, especially after Ben. But it was always the same voice crying out night after night, that part is a little strange. He would have expected the faceless person to change day by day but no, it is always the same male voice.

Each night he gets closer and closer but it's not until a full month of these nightly dreams go by before he's even close enough to see what is happening. It's a car accident, well a truck really, but still. It makes sense his brain would worry the most about those, he's already saved a few people from accidents on the road in the few short months since he got his powers. Most of the time he does small stuff, hasn't even stopped any crime yet really so it is no surprise his subconscious is worried about him not being quick enough to stop someone from getting hit.

Like he is too slow now. He hears the man cry out but he's still too far away, but not far enough away that he doesn't see it. Not nearly far enough away to not hear the awful crunch of bone snapping as steel hits the man at 40 mph. It's a sickening crunch, something so final and horrible it feels real. He doesn't know how his brain managed to come up with such a realistic sound and he hates his brain for it.

His spidey senses let him watch it unfold in slow motion, makes him watch unable to look away as the man's head bounces off the hood of the truck and his eyes roll up in the back of his head. He sees the truck bounce as it rolls over the man before screeching to a halt leaving a still form lying broken behind it.

The graphic detail shocks Peter wide awake with a shout. It brings May into his room hastily wrapped in a bathrobe. She asks him what is wrong and holds him while he cries unable to speak for a few minutes with so much blood fresh in his mind. Once he can finally talk he tells her it was just a bad dream and that he'll be fine but she stays up the rest the night with him on the couch anyway.

He's too scared to go back to sleep that night and they end up watching infomercials until the first rays of light peak in through the window. Thankfully this happened on the weekend, Peter would have felt super guilty about keeping May up if she had work in the morning. The rest of the day is a total wash for Peter still shaken from what he witnessed, he spends most the day in front of the t.v. not really watching it, but needing the distraction.

Once night eventually rolls around again he finds things to do so he won't have to go to sleep and see that again. His classes are too easy so his homework has long since been done so instead he gets on to play games with Ned until eventually even Ned calls it quits to go to bed. Peter sits up at his desk and looks over to his bed, dreading it. He's been having that same nightmare for a month now and he knows, just knows it'll happen again tonight if he lies down and he does **not** want that. He's always had an overactive imagination but that was something else entirely.

He felt like he just watched someone die for real, and he knows what that is like. He had held Ben in his arms as he breathed his last and he swore he'd never let it happen again. He lets out a sigh, he's probably just working through some residual trauma with that, they did tell him in therapy that recovery is a bumpy road. That you can feel perfectly fine for months and suddenly something will set you off that you didn't even know was an issue until it raises its ugly head.

The only way to get over this is to deal with it. Maybe he has to let it play out, maybe this is his brain trying to desensitize him to death, or maybe it is his subconscious letting him know that his promise to not let anyone die again was a stupid one. Really, he does know he can't possibly save everyone, that eventually someone will get hurt or killed on his watch, but he can't not try.

Wait.

Maybe that's it!

Maybe if he saves the guy in his dreams they'll stop happening! Couldn't hurt to try, even imaginary dream guy doesn't deserve to die over and over again even if he's not real. Peter has always gotten deeply invested in his video games and feels for those characters, and that's no different with the imaginary guy in his dreams. When he plays a game he'll load and reload a dozen times to make sure he gets the perfect ending where everyone lives and is happy. Maybe, just maybe it'll work the same way with this damn dream.

He turns off his computer and takes off his shirt and switches to pajama bottoms as he gets ready for bed. Instead of dreading it, he's sort of looking forward to it now? Like now that he has a mission with it, like a side quest in a game he's excited to try and get it right this time. Besides he has been getting closer and closer each night after all so it stands to reason that if not tonight then at least soon he'll be able to save the poor guy.

He lies back down and spends the next few minutes getting comfortable before his exhaustion lets itself be known and he's falling asleep. Between one blink and the next he's back on that nameless street that has been in his dreams for a month. He doesn't wait for a shout, he already knows where he needs to be.

He swings from building to building pushing himself faster, further than before. Treating this like it's real and not just a dream. He's only one street away when he hears the man cry out. He's out of time, he pushes off from a building launching himself towards that fateful intersection in a back flip. Time slows as he watches the on coming truck just a foot away from the man as he shoots out his webs watching as it streaks towards the truck and the truck towards the man.

Somehow, defying physics and all logic his webs get to the truck before the truck gets to the man standing frozen in terror in the middle of the street. Peter pulls back with everything he has trying to slow the truck down but it's not enough. Once again the sickening crunch of bone assaults Peter's ears but his efforts are just enough to keep the man from getting ran over on top of being hit.

Peter releases his webs and rushes over to the man. He's seen him up close in the after math just once the night before, but this time isn't nearly as bad. While yes, the guy's face is a wreck of blood but at least his arms and legs aren't twisted in unnatural ways this time. Peter rips his mask off and tosses it to the side so he can see better as he crouches over the man. He watches the chest move as the man breathes, thank god he's still breathing.

The man coughs up blood onto the pavement and his eyes flutter open and for a split second and focus on Peter before falling shut once more.

Peter doesn't wake up screaming that night, but he is still drenched in sweat with his heart pounding. He can do this. He knows that now it's just a matter of time before he can stop the whole thing then hopefully get back his restful sleep. When he does manage to go back to sleep that night he doesn't dream for once, he's not sure why but when he wakes up in the morning he thinks that is a good sign.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I should be finishing half a dozen other projects but my sick brain was like, here is an idea NOW WRITE IT SLAVE. Starts off wonky but will get better. I have 6 chapters written in a binge today and will be posting them every couple of days probably. This won't be a 100k+ monster like the last one I swear to GOD xD


	2. Break The Cycle

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is actually a new chapter since I reworked this story so don't skip it if you started before I did this! Sorry again, sorry forever about this haha.

It takes another week for Peter to manage to get there in time, and he's close to not making it, too close but he manages it by the skin of his teeth. He swings by and launches himself off a building and slams into the guy knocking them both back 10 feet onto the sidewalk and into safety. A loud grunt of air being forcefully expelled from the man's lungs rushes by Peter's ear and it sounds heavenly. The first sound the man has made that _wasn't_ a cry for help or in pain. 

Peter lands on top of the man shielding him with his own body just in case. Peter looks down at the man who stares up at him in surprise but those beautiful(were they always beautiful?) blue eyes light with recognition, which shouldn't be possible. It is Peter's dream after all, why would a figment of his imagination remember him? Peter knows he was wearing a mask before this but he isn't now, thanks dream logic. 

"You." The man breathes out, when he isn't screaming he actually has a very nice voice, who knew?

"Hi." Peter says, awkward even in his dreams in seems. A smile breaks over his face as he looks down at the man who, while looking a little shell shocked, looks much better than how Peter is used to seeing him. 

"You saved me." He says in disbelief, which okay that's fair. It did take Peter coming up on two months to save the guy even though it has been the same scenario this whole time. 

"I did, didn't I?" Peter answers dumbly, "Wasn't sure I would make it this time." Peter looks back towards where the accident _would_ have been with a shudder. "Sure glad I did make it though." He says turning back to look at the man who is looking up at him as if he hung the moon.

"Me too. I really hate dying." His blunt words and dead pan delivery surprise a bark of laughter out of the teen who was totally not expecting it. The man's lips curling up into a half smile is the last thing Peter sees before his own laughter wakes him up. He sits up confused for a moment and more than a little disappointed to have woken up.

The forever-going-to-die guy turned out to actually be funny and he wasn't expecting that at all. He figured the dream would have ended right after he saved the guy, but maybe his subconscious was nice enough to let him see the fruits of his nightly labors. 

Well, either way that's that Peter thinks. He broke the cycle and saved the ~~hot guy~~ day so it should be the end to the ground hog's day style dream right? 

Turns out he was wrong because the very next night he opens his eyes to that familiar street that he almost knows better than his own at this point. He allows himself one singular moment to feel sorry for himself before he races off to save the day again, and thankfully he makes it with not a second to spare to stop it from happening again.

When he looks down to the guy he just saved for the second time the man is already looking up at him strangely.

"You saved me. Again." Peter's eyes scrunch up in confusion, he's couldn't possibly remember could he. . .?

"How do you know I saved you before?" The man looks at him like he's grown another head.

"Cause I was there? It's pretty hard to forget a kid in a weird looking suit swinging off buildings and shooting webs. Those are webs right? Well, shooting whatever that is out of your hands trying to save me and actually managing it once--twice now." 

"Wait, wait hold up a second." Peter says sitting up so that he is straddling the man as he holds his hands out. The man closes his mouth and waits while Peter thinks.

"Are you seriously telling me you remember me trying and failing to save you? How is that even possible? I watched you--I watched you die, there is no way you can remember something after you die, is there?" The man looks at him with a tired expression.

"I've been dying over and over again for as long as I can remember. You aren't always here, but sometimes you are." The man pauses for a moment as a torrent of emotions struggle for control of his face. Peter waits patiently as the man settles on grateful, the kind of heart wrenching gratefulness that is sure to make Peter cry if directed at him for too long.

"I want you to know, that even when you-- when you didn't make it and I-- Well. Just you trying? It meant everything to me. To know I wasn't alone, that someone cared enough to try. Just. Thank you. And-- and if you can't make it, it's okay because at least twice now you did and you've given me a break. Even if you never come back from where ever you go, thank you." The man's voice breaks several times while he's talking as he chokes back tears. 

Peter feels tears of his own welling up, to think that this guy, this dream guy had been dealing with this too? It makes Peter question everything he thought he knew about dreams and the subconscious. How his own mind could come up with something this horrible he doesn't want to know. God the man's words, the way his voice shakes as he speaks-- there is no way he could have come up with something like that is there?

It feels real. He feels and acts like a real person, Peter has had never had a dream where someone acted like a real person before. They were more like NPCs with what they did and how they spoke in dreams to him. It sends a wave of panic through Peter, what if this isn't a dream? What if this is real somewhere? Had this guy really been dying over and over somewhere? 

He feels the hold sleep has over him loosen as panic floods his body he looks back down at the other man with worry in his eyes. He doesn't want to go. Not now, he has so many questions and if what the other guys says is true. . .that as soon as Peter is gone the cycle will start back up. . .he can't leave him! It must show on his face cause the man just smiles sadly up at Peter.

"It's okay." His words float through his head as he wakes back up in his own bed. He jumps out of bed and turns on the light in his room and grabs a notebook and pencil and starts scribbling everything that happened down so he won't forget it. Not that he thinks he will, how could he forget something like this?

Come to think of it, unlike regular dreams that always fade from memory and go fuzzy so quickly the ones he's been having with that guy in it have stayed crystal clear this whole time. Huh, thinking back on it he can still remember the very first time he heard that voice crying out. That is not normal at all, it's never happened before.

Peter turns his computer on and starts researching dreams, the subconscious and ends up with more questions than he has answers. No one has really done much research into the dreamscape or how the subconscious works out problems through dreams. There just isn't enough hard evidence on what actually happens since they lack the technology to see what actually goes on. The best they have is a lot of guess work based off of active centers of the brain while people are doing sleep studies.

Peter turns his computer back off after a few hours of accomplishing a whole lot of nothing. He won't get his answers there, but where would he even get them? Like who the heck do you even ask about dreams and what they mean? All he comes up with is scammers that are going to try and rip you off or sell you something. 

Great.

He flops back down on his bed with a sigh. Maybe this will sort itself out, or maybe this is another ability from that spider bite, and if so wow they really need to do research on spiders and dreams cause this is crazy. There is no way an insect should have enough brain power to even dream and yet here he is having the most lucid, vivid dreams of his entire life. What a freak show Parker, his mind supplies in Flash's voice. Just what he needs, another way to stand out.


	3. What Even Are Dreams?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Once again, entirely new chapter since the rework, so don't skip if you started before I fixed this. I should have listened to my instincts and not gone "ehhh it'll be fine" xD

The next night when he goes to bed he isn't surprised to see that damn street and he doesn't waste any time getting there. He saves him just as he did the previous two times before, but this time it doesn't seem quite as much of a close call as the others. That's nice.

"We meet again." The deep voice says from beneath him, and this time Peter decides it might be polite to have a conversation without being draped all over the man, talk about awkward. Peter jumps up to his feet and helps the man to his, he sways slightly into Peter's space as he gets his footing before standing straight leaving Peter looking up at him.

"You're taller than I thought you'd be." His mouth speaks without his permission, "Cause I always see you laying on the ground you know." Please. Stop. Mouth. You are making it worse. "Wow that was--that was horrible I'm so, so sorry." But the man just laughs it off clearly not offended by Peter's supernatural ability to say the wrong thing at any given time.

"Well, to be fair I thought you'd be taller too." The man says with a playful glint in his eye, "What with you always leaning over me or on top of me, made you seem bigger." He teases making Peter's cheeks flush in embarrassment but it does make him feel less like he needs to stick his foot in his mouth. "Not that you aren't a sight for sore eyes either way mind you." The man adds at the end his own cheeks flushed.

What even is happening right now? Peter wonders before shaking his head. He needs answers, and this might be his one and only source. 

"Hey so like we talked last time and stuff right?" Peter starts without preamble, the guy blinks at the topic change but catches on quick.

"Yes we did, at least before you disappeared again." 

"Right so, like I have no idea what is going on cause you're like a figment of my imagination in this reoccurring nightmare I've been having, but then you talk to me and you're like real. Like really real. Like a person and you can remember stuff and that shouldn't be possible." Peter rambles until the man holds up a hand and the teen falls silent.

"Wait you think this is a dream?"

"I know it is, I've woken up from it every night for nearly two months now." Peter answers sure of himself.

"Two months? Has it only been two months since I. . ." The man trails off looking down the street before talking again in a quiet, almost whisper of a voice. "It feels like longer. Like forever, like my entire life before this street was a dream and my only reality is that truck screeching towards me." Peter reaches out touching the man's shoulder surprising him. He turns back towards Peter and offers him a tiny smile in thanks.

"If this is a dream for you, I'm sorry. No one should have to see this." The man says with a sad smile. "If I knew how to leave you out of it, I want to say that I would but that would be a lie. The moments you are here with me are the only respite I get from reliving that over and over. I am not a strong man, and so maybe it is my desperation that is clinging onto you."

"Wait, what are you talking about? What happened two months ago? Reliving this? This really happened to you?" Peter asks in a rush as his heart rate kicks up. He doesn't have much time before he wakes himself up again, he really needs to get a better handle on his emotions if he's going to make any progress but already he feels sleep lose it's hold. 

"Wait what is your name? You have a name right?" Peter asks as the world begins to fade away. "I'm Peter."

"Quentin." The name floats over to him almost lost as his eyes slide back open. 

Holy heck! He needs to go back to sleep right the heck now and get more answers but he's so wired from the possibilities of their conversation it's proving difficult. If he were a normal guy he would take some nyquil and go out like a light, but then again if he were normal this wouldn't be happening at all so what can you do?

Instead he gets up and makes some soothing chamomile tea and does counting exercises in bed with the lights off. It takes him an hour or more but eventually he feels the pull of sleep coming and he hopes beyond hope to go back to that dream with Quentin and not a dreamless sleep like the night before when he went back to sleep.

His eyes open to that familiar street and even as he is launching himself towards where it happens he calls out Quentin's name and the strangest thing happens. Peter makes the final turn to see where it all happens and Quentin is standing at the light pole and not in the middle of the street. His head is turned towards where Peter is swinging off a building. He yells out Peter's name in response and as Peter lands next to him the taller man falls onto his knees and grabs Peter around the waist.

His broad shoulders shake as the man cries holding onto Peter for dear life. Peter just wraps his arms around the other man awkwardly not knowing what is going on or why the man is freaking out but wanting to help him as much as he can. After a few minutes the shaking of the man's shoulders subsides and he leans back and looks up at Peter in wonder.

"I don't know what you did, but thank you. Thank you." He says meaning every word. Peter nods at him in confusion and helps the man back to his feet. "After you left something changed. This entire time it's been the same thing over and over and over again and I couldn't stop it but when I heard your voice, when I heard you call out my name it broke the spell over me." The man looks into Peter's eyes with such sincerity it almost hurts to meet them.

"I had been walking into the truck no matter how much I screamed internally to stop over and over again for as long as I can remember. But then I heard you and my feet stopped. For the first time I could control my own body, I don't know what you did, but thank you. I don't know how much longer I could have kept sane walking to my death for all eternity."

"I didn't--I don't think I did anything. Maybe because I went back to sleep so soon or something." Peter says rubbing at his neck feeling awkward being thanked for something he doesn't even understand.

"Well whatever it was, whatever did it, it worked. You don't know how much of a relief it is to have control over myself again. I don't know if it only works when you are here, or if it will work again when you leave but thank you." 

Peter is only able to stay for a short while after that, but they talk a little bit and Peter finds out that the truck accident he's been dreaming of for two months was what killed Quentin and that ever since then he's been haunting Peter's dreams. Peter didn't even believe in ghosts before this, but now he has to. What other explanation could there be for this whole thing? Peter tells Quentin that he has special abilities and maybe that's why he's able to see Quentin in his dreams but quickly says that just a really bad guess not even a theory with how little he actually knows about his own abilities. It is uncharted territory after all. 

"Well whatever the reason, I'm glad it was you." Quentin tells him, "I don't know if anyone else would have even tried to save me, I'm sure most people would write it off as a bad dream and ignore it. But not you. You tried over and over again to save me, sacrificing your own sleep for what you thought was just your imagination."

"Well that's what heroes do." Peter says brushing off the compliments, "Like my uncle Ben used to say, with great power comes great responsibility--even to dead guys." He jokes earning a full belly laugh from the man. It's the first he's seen a real smile and grin from and the man and he finds himself wishing the man always looked this happy. "You should smile and laugh like that more, it looks good on you." Thanks mouth, that wasn't supposed to be out loud.

The man stops surprised but his grin just grows more so Peter thinks the awkwardness of it was worth it. Especially when it is the last sight he sees before he wakes up. When he opens his eyes to see the ceiling of his room he feels a sense of peace and warmth he has not known in months or even longer.

*********

As the weeks and months go on and Peter meets with Quentin nightly in his dreams he sees a change come over the man. Slowly the haunted look in his eyes fades away, and he stops crying over Peter for every little thing(not that Peter minded really, even dream hugs are nice) and despite being, well you know, Capital D. Dead he has a sort of new zest for life(or after life?) from what Peter can see. 

After the first time he was able to stop himself from walking into traffic and his death he slowly learned how to control himself more and more. Even when Peter wasn't there thankfully. It would have torn Peter up inside if he had to live knowing anytime he wasn't dreaming with Quentin that the man was helplessly dying on repeat. 

"I can sort of change where I'm at now, if it is somewhere from my memories I can revisit it. Shame I can't go and see new places but it sure is better than that fucking street corner." Peter always gets uncomfortable any time Quentin brings up his death or that corner but the man himself seems to to have moved past that long ago. He would mention it off hand in passing until he realized it was making Peter uncomfortable so now he doesn't talk about it much at all. Peter feels bad about it, I mean if anyone should be bothered about it, it should be the guy who died right? But Quentin doesn't care, he's just as happy talking about anything and everything with Peter.

Which is another weird thing, like not only is the dead guy like crazy hot but he is smart too. Like really, really smart. Peter was ranting and rambling about something in science as he often does randomly without a thought of his audience but Quentin not only kept up but had insightful things to add.

"How do you know so much about this stuff? Were you a scientist before you, well you know?" He doesn't say it outright much anymore, it's just too weird to talk about Quentin being dead when he's right there in front of him so full of energy and life. Even though Peter knows he really isn't.

"Engineer actually, but I've always loved science as well. They go hand in hand after all." Quentin says with a soft sigh as if reminiscing about something that happened a long time ago, but maybe being dead makes all your memories like that.

"Really? That's soooo cool. I love science, well duh you already know that. Anyway, I want to become a world famous scientist someday so badly. My uh, family isn't so well off, just me and May ya know?" Peter says and Quentin nods having already listened to Peter talk about his home life half a dozen times before and never acting like it was boring. But then again he has no one else to talk to so who is he to judge. 

"Well I'm straight Aing all my classes and doing extra curricular stuff with being on the math and science decathlon team for my school so I'm hopping to land a free ride somewhere good." Quentin nudges his shoulder against Peter's where they sit on a park bench from one of Quentin's memories.

"I think you'll get it, you've got the right personality for it at the very least." Peter raises an eyebrow at the older man, "Completely hopeless." 

"Hey!" Peter starts to argue but Quentin silences him with a raised hand.

"Completely hopeless situation and yet somehow you managed to save me. You're gonna need that sort of fire to survive an ivy league school during finals. Trust me I'd know."

"Really? Where did you go?" Peter asks genuinely interested, it's kind of strange and a little bit sad that one of the most interesting people the teen knows is a dead guy he only sees in his dreams but normal flew out the door when he got bit by that spider so he doesn't even try to question it anymore.

"I got a full ride to MIT, I didn't have a rich family, or a family at all by that point so I had to do what you did." Peter frowns at hearing that his best dream buddy had it rough. "Hey turn that frown upside down Mr. I don't want to see it. That was a long time ago and it's not like it hardly matters considering." He says gesturing at himself with a shrug. "It was hard going through college where you have to take each and every test and quiz seriously or risk losing your scholarship if your GPA drops. But if I could do it? I know someone like you could do it."

Peter ducks his head at the praise, not used to hearing it from any one other than May--and she like has to praise him, it's like totally a rule or something for family Peter thinks. Even Ned gets on him for being awkward, which to be fair, he totally is. But still, it hurts to only hear negative things about himself from everyone--and it's not like he doesn't tell himself the same things all the time in his own head.

Maybe that's part of why he enjoys spending time with Quentin so much. The guy is free and loose with his compliments and while at first Peter was convinced the guy was only complimenting him because he did save him from being you know, an eternal death cycle, but over time Peter has come to realize the man genuinely believes and means everything he says about Peter. To him Peter has already been the hero the teen strives to be. 

It's not like Peter doesn't know that what he does helps people, but he never sticks around to see what happens after, to see how his actions affect a person's life--or after life in Quentin's case. Quentin isn't shy at all about telling Peter how much his visits mean to him, or how much nicer his un-life is with him in it. 

"I just wish I could do something for you, you've done so much for me I wish I could pay it back. Hell, you've probably done more for me than anyone else even back when I was alive. It just feels like a one sided relationship we have here, where I reap all the benefits and you get nothing."

"What are you talking about?" Peter questions, "I get plenty out of this. Come on man you see how awkward I am, I'm like this but worse when I'm awake. Do you really think I have a lot of friends? I have one friend. One singular breathing friend and that's it. So if you think I don't get anything out of this you're crazy." Peter stops when he seems a gleaming in the other man's eyes, oh no. Did he hurt his feelings talking about the not breathing thing? He's never been bothered by it before--but before he can freak out about it anymore than he already is the other man speaks up.

"You--" He stops a little choked up, "You think of me as your friend?"

"Well duh. Unless you don't like that then I don--" The rest of what he was going to say gets cut off when the larger man wraps his arms around him and pulls him into a crushing hug burring the teen's face into his chest. Peter takes in a deep breath in surprise and the older man's scent fills his nostrils. 

He smells good, really good. Peter doesn't fight the hug and instead returns it just a fiercely, this thing he has with Quentin? This weird connection they share through even death? It feels special, and he knows he's not the only one who feels it now so he clings on just as tightly until his emotions get the better of him and he's left waking up cold and alone once more in his own bed.


	4. I Wish I Wasn't Right

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If you are one of the poor people who started this story and subbed to it before I reworked it don't read this, go back and read from chapter one as I cut out two chapters and put new ones I liked much better in their place. Sorry for any in convenience. 
> 
> To everyone else, carry on :D

They spend their nights together on a sort of tour of Quentin's life for a time. It's actually super cool in Peter's opinion(which Quentin tells him is the only opinion that matters to him) that he can see first hand places his friend grew up and places he's been. It's way better than just hearing about someone's childhood when he can walk the halls and sit on his bed in his room with him. It's almost like Peter can be there with him and share his memories, although he can't imagine the people from his memories.

Quentin had tried to do that, something to make his time apart from Peter a little less lonesome but it never worked. They can travel all the places of his memories but it is only ever just the two of them. Peter can't imagine how lonely Quentin must get when he's awake and leaving Quentin all by himself but the older man just shrugs it off.

"It just makes the time I get to spend with you that much more special. And stop, I can already see the gears turning in your head. No, I don't just like you cause you are the only person I can see now. I can tell we would have been fast friends if we had met under different circumstances, you're totally awesome it's just too bad the people around you haven't realized it yet. But they will someday, I just know it."

When Quentin says things like that it makes Peter's stomach do weird things, occasionally it'll be too much and wake him up, but he's been getting a better handle on it with practice. The older man is just so open with his feelings and opinions, its weird for the teen who is used to people being two faced or hiding their true selves like he has to. But that might just be because what does Quentin have left to lose? He's already dead after all.

Which is another thought that sometimes makes Peter cut their visits short. He hates, hates, hates that he's found one of the coolest people he's ever met and that this is all they will ever have. He'll be going about his day at home in the waking world and stop and think about Quentin, about wanting to show him something or try something new and delicious and then he'll get horribly sad because he can't.

He will never be able to show things to his friend, never get to see his face light up as he tries a new flavor of ice cream. He's trapped in his own memories and what little stories Peter can bring him every night. It's just not fair, someone like him shouldn't have just died like that. 

Sometimes he wishes he could talk to someone about this, but he knows no one would believe him. Heck, if he didn't have it happen to him he wouldn't have believed it either. It's just hard to have a friend who is suffering and not be able to talk to anyone about it without risking being locked up in a loony bin or whatever. 

Just once he considers looking up Quentin in the waking world, to see what he can find about him, but the thought of seeing his friend's face on an obituary turns his stomach. It's bad enough to hear from the own man's mouth about him being dead and having been witness to the accident that killed him, he doesn't know if he could handle seeing tangible proof that his new best friend really is nothing more than a ghost who haunts his dreams. He would rather not have to think about it every time he sees Quentin, it's much nicer to just spend time with him without that extra baggage.

But all in all he wouldn't trade it for the world, what once was a terrible reoccurring nightmare has become something he looks forward to every night. It's been months since they first properly met and every time they see each other it's like a special private vacation with someone special. 

It's not until Tony Freaking Stark shows up on his doorstep out of no where that things get awkward between them. As soon as Mr. Stark leaves all Peter can think about is how he can't wait to tell Quentin later that night. He's so excited that it takes him extra time to fall asleep and once he does it's the first thing out of his mouth before even saying hi.

"I met Tony Stark today!" He announces expecting his friend to be just as excited as he is but instead the older man's expression closes off and a dark cloud goes over his face. 

"Oh yeah?" He asks with his tone completely devoid of emotion, weird, but Peter is too excited to not rant and rave about the completely unexpected visit from freaking Iron Man of all people anyway.

"Yeah! I came home from school and he was like just sitting in my living room talking with May! Can you believe it? I can barely believe it and it happened! So like he talks about me getting some super special internship I never applied for, or even heard of and I don't know what he's talking about but I just agree cause like Oh My God it's Tony Stark right?!" Peter says as he bounces on his feet. Quentin's lips twist downward into a frown.

"A special internship? Peter you need to be careful--" He starts but Peter cuts him off.

"I wasn't finished, just wait for it. It gets even better." He promises. Quentin's jaw clenches as he snaps his mouth shut with a click. "So like we go in my room to talk about it and then it turns out that was all like a front-- an excuse ya know? So May wouldn't find out about me being Spider Man. I guess Mr. Stark had figured out my secret identity somehow cause he's like super smart ya know? And then he was offering me a job on the Avengers! ME? On the Avengers?! Can you believe it?! I always wanted to be a real hero but I never thought I'd be a part of the Avengers!"

"You are a real hero Peter--" Quentin begins but Peter waves his hand at him.

"I know, I know, but this is different. It's like official and stuff." 

"That's great Peter." Quentin says but his tone is anything but excited or happy, "But about Stark. . .you need to be careful around him. He's not all that he seems to be." Peter's eyes narrow.

"What are you talking about? He's like one of the founding member of the Avengers." Quentin lets out a sigh.

"I know, it's just-- well he's not perfect, he makes mistakes."

"Yeah so? So do I. So does everyone. That's no reason not to trust him. He's Iron Man, he's one of the good guys." Peter doesn't get where this is coming from, what Quentin has against Mr. Stark. "Why are you saying this stuff? I don't get it, I thought you would be happy for me."

"I am happy for you, I just worry. I don't want you to get hurt. People like him? People who hold that much power can so easily hurt someone like you or me who came up from nothing. They might not even mean to but what is chump change to them, or a fun way to pass time is serious for us and when they cast it aside or belittle it they won't even realize what they've done to hurt you."

"Did-- did something happen to you?" Peter asks in a small voice but Quentin shakes his head.

"Maybe I'll tell you about it someday. I'm sorry to have ruined this for you. Please ignore me, I'm just a bitter dead man with bad luck in life. Please go be happy I just-- God Peter I care about you and I worry. You're amazing and I shouldn't worry, you're not like me, you'll be fine. No better than fine, this-- this is your first big step in one of your dreams and I should be happy for you and not sitting here like a bitter old has been."

Peter doesn't know what to think, on one hand Quentin has been open about so much in his life, showing him parts of himself no one else has seen so he wants to believe that what he was saying comes from a good place but on the other hand he just can't imagine Mr. Stark doing something so bad that Quentin would freak out like this. It just doesn't make sense, something isn't adding up and Peter doesn't like it.

But Quentin refuses to say anymore on the subject, won't say why he thinks that way about Mr. Stark so there is nothing Peter can do. They sort of sit there in awkward silence for a time, the first time it's ever really been awkward between them and Peter doesn't know what to do. How to fix this, or if it is even his place to fix it, but Quentin takes care of that for him. He grabs his hands and forces Peter to look him in the eye. 

"You are going to rock the socks off of them tomorrow and come back to me with stories about how impressed they are, I just know it. Don't let me being weird get in the way of your life. I would never, ever in a million years want that. It wasn't my place to say anything. Hell, I shouldn't even still be bothering you but I can't help myself so please, for me, go out and have the time of your life. You more than deserve it and I know that when they see you for who you really are they will love you just as much as I do."

Peter's stomach flips at the sincerely delivered words and he's fading out of sleep before he can stop himself. But maybe that's for the best, he doesn't even know what he could say in response to something like that so it's a relief that he doesn't have to. He tries to push the weirdness of his dream out of his head as he gets ready for his big day, and for the most part he is successful, but he keeps coming back to one thing time and time again.

What did he mean when he said he loved me? Peter loves Ned, he knows it's more than okay to love your friends and his is almost 100% sure how it was meant. But he kinda doesn't want it to just mean that-- and that's a weird and kind of scary thought. He's had a crush on Liz for a long time now and has never even looked at a guy in _that_ way before, so why would he want Quentin to feel that way about him?

Part of him, the part that sounds like Flash, thinks it's just because he is lonely and he'd want to feel love from anyone at all at this point. It might be the only time he ever hears the words directed at him with how awkward he is. But that can't just be it, why else would his stomach go up in knots so often around Quentin, the same kind of knots he gets around Liz?

Why hadn't he noticed it before? And why the hell does it have to be with the ghost that haunts his dreams of all people?!??! God Parker, your life is such a train wreck, can't even make this stuff up. He shakes his head and pushes the rest of those awkward, scary thoughts from his head when he gets a text from Happy saying he's here. He'll have time to worry about this stuff after he gets back from Germany, he needs to focus and get his head in the game.

************** 

After Germany and he got to steal Captain America's shield?!?!!?!?!?!!?!!!?!? He is bouncing around their dreamscape like a kid on too much sugar while Quentin watches with a soft smile tugging at his lips. The older man was quiet at first, but after just a few minutes of Peter's rambling about HOW UNBELIEVABLY AWESOME it was he can't keep stoic. Soon the older man is laughing along side Peter as he demonstrates the super cool move he practiced with Mr. Stark and used to take Captain America's shield using a trash can as a prop as he does back flips around some random airport from Quentin's memory.

Peter is having so much fun he almost forgets how weird Quentin was about this before, but he occasionally sees the smile slip but every time just as Peter is about to ask about it Quentin will shake his head and the smile will be right back on. It doesn't seem like he's faking it either, he really is happy for Peter so he lets it go. It's okay for him to want somethings to be private, after all what else does he have?

After that fateful day in Germany Peter spends more and more time talking to Quentin about the heroing side of his life, something he's kind of shied away from before, but the older man eats up every word and begs for more. He especially loves hearing about when Peter saves cats from trees for little old ladies. When Peter questions him on it he just shrugs and says that doing the little work day in and day out is what proves that he really does have the stuff heroes are made out of. Peter doesn't really get that, cause he would be doing that stuff even before he had cool spider powers but Quentin just laughs, shakes his head, and says that Peter helped him make his point.

It is not until a few months later after he still hasn't heard a word from Mr. Stark and even Happy is dodging his calls that Peter starts to feel let down. He knows, **knows** that Mr. Stark is a busy man what with being the head of the science and engineering of Stark Industries but also taking over as the leader of the Avengers but he had thought for sure by now he'd hear something back. It's been months since Germany and not a single word, he doesn't even do any check ups anymore.

At this point when Peter leaves a voice mail on Happy's phone he feels like he is a burden, or a particularly slow kid who isn't willing to accept the fact that the cool kids have ditched him. Again. Just like they always do. But he can't bring it up to Quentin, he couldn't bare to get the 'I told you so' talk from him, one of the few people who has always had his back no matter what. So he just deals with it. Makes his reports and if he talks less and less about Mr. Stark and the Avengers with Quentin, the older man doesn't mention it.

It is not until he stops a bank robbery and very nearly gets his head blown off by a retrofitted alien weapon that it really sinks in for Peter how dangerous his job really is. Even when he fought the Avengers who went rogue he knows they were going easy on him, that they wouldn't hurt him, not really. But those bank robbers? They would have left him as a smoking corpse without a second thought nor a backwards glance.

It leaves Peter really shaken up, he has to dodge May's concerned questions and looks but when she makes him promise to stay in he actually means to do as she asks for a change. He needs to talk to someone about this but Happy still isn't returning his calls so he climbs into bed to talk to someone, maybe the only person he knows who would understand how someone would feel after a near death experience-- a dead guy.

What even is his life?

He thought it would take him longer to fall asleep with how much his heart has been racing since he stopped that robbery, but it feels like one second his head is hitting his pillow and the next he is waking up in a sunny park. He turns his head and sees Quentin laying on his back on the grass looking up at the sky as the clouds go by. The older man must feel Peter's eyes on him because he turns to the side and offers Peter a kind smile in greeting.

The contrast of going from almost dying to such a wholesome sight is too much for Peter who turns over on his side and curls into Quentin. He sees the man's eyebrows shoot into his hairline as he turns towards Peter and then Peter is burring his face into Quentin's chest. His body shakes with tiny sobs as they force their way out of his throat against his will. He doesn't have anything against crying, far from it, but he doesn't want to get so emotional he is shoved back into the awful reality he just left.

Quentin rubs soothing circles on his back with his free arm and mutters nonsense into his hair for long minutes until Peter finally stops shaking. Peter sniffles loudly against Quentin's chest one last time before pushing back just far enough to meet Quentin's concerned look.

"I almost died today." He says with a quiet, tiny voice and has to choke back another sob. Quentin's arm tightens around his shoulders and pulls him against his chest again and holds on tight as he sits them both up to free his other arm so that he can run his fingers through Peter's messy curls. The gentle touches in his hair, the firm grip around his shoulders, and the warm body he is being pressed against is overwhelming to the teen who sort of deflates against the older man. The string of muttered nonsense flows nonstop until the last of the fight or flight is gone Peter's system leaving him feeling numb. 

"I almost got shot and I couldn't even tell anyone." Peter sniffles into Quentin's chest causing the man's hands to stutter in his hair for a split second before they start moving again. "And the one person I should have been able to tell wouldn't even answer his phone. You were right, he didn't--he didn't even care enough to answer or probably even listen to any of the dozens of voicemails I left him. 

"I thought-- I thought he was different, that he cared but you were right. I was-- he just used me for my powers in Germany, he had no intention of making me an Avenger or anything. You warned me but I didn't listen." Peter tries to pull away but Quentin won't let him, his strong arms pull him in even tighter as if the older man is trying to hug away Peter's bad feelings.

Which, to be honest, kind of works. 

"I wish I was wrong." Quentin's deep voice rumbles against Peter as he strokes his fingers through the teen's hair. "Oh God Peter you don't know how scared hearing those words come out of your mouth made me." He pulls back just enough so he can meet Peter's tear filled eyes with his own. "I'm so glad you're okay, that you made it back here. I don-- I don't know what I would do without you.

"If--if you want to talk about it, or not I'm here. I'll always be here for you Peter. Just-- Please promise me to be safe, I can't-- I can't lose you." 

They both end up crying half in relief half in the fear of the near miss as Peter talks about the robbery. Peter will stop and start his story as he struggles to keep his emotions at bay but eventually he manages to get it all out and by the end his hands have stopped shaking. It doesn't hurt that all through it he had Quentin's solid presence in front of him and wrapped around him while he talked and rambled. 

"I'm so glad you're alright Peter." Quentin breathes into his hair once the teen has gone silent for a long time. Peter nods too drained to even speak. "Why don't you lie down, you are sleeping after all couldn't hurt to get some rest when you really need it." Peter allows Quentin to move them so they are lying on their sides on the grass with Quentin spooned up behind him grounding him with his solid presence and heat. The older man pulls the scared teen against them so their bodies are flushed and he wraps his arms around Peter's waist and rests his hand over Peter's heart as if he were trying to protect it.

"I was never very good with people." Quentin begins softly and Peter is grateful to the other man filling the silence and keeping him from replaying his near death experience on repeat. "I was kind of an asshole actually, too short tempered and expected everyone to always give their best because I did. I didn't make a lot of friends that way, and more than a few enemies who probably weren't sad to hear of my passing truth be told.

"But ever since I met you and you came swinging in out of literally no where to save me I have felt a change in myself. Everything I had done to make my life's work a reality, all the people I hurt, all the hard working scientists I yelled at? It was all for nothing in the end and what did I leave behind? A bad taste in people's mouths.

"And then I met you." Quentin squeezes Peter a little tighter against himself earning a soft hum of contentment from the teen. "I met a real, honest to god hero and you know what I learned? I learned that it isn't always the things we do or make that matter in life it is the lives we touch, the people we help that truly matters. So what if my invention could have revolutionized so many different things in world? It never got built because I was such a shitty person in life, everything was at my finger tips and not only did I let it slip away, I spit in the face of the very people who were helping me make it.

"Seeing how caring, brave, and kind you are made me wish I was a better person in life, but that boat has already sailed. All I can do now is be the person you deserve at your back, heh literally, now. I am so unbelievably grateful to have met you Peter, you are truly one of a kind and I only wish that I could have met you when I was still alive and could help you more than just comforting words in a dream.

"Even if you quit being Spider Man you would always be a hero, it is just who you are as a person. You are so good Peter and it makes me so very, very angry those idiots in the waking world haven't seen it yet. I mean, who else could not only save a dead man from an eternal nightmare but make that asshole want to turn over a new leaf to boot?" 

Peter lets out a small chuckle, the first happy sound since he almost died and it feels amazing. Peter rolls onto his back and looks up at Quentin and offers him a grateful smile that is returned 100 fold.

"Thanks." It's not enough, not nearly enough for how much Peter appreciates Quentin's words and his actions, but it's the best he can do right now. 

"Anytime, you know where to find me." The man jokes with a twist of his lips helping to lighten the mood even more, something Peter really needs right now. "Whatever I can do, whatever you need from me, it's yours. I'll always be here waiting for you Peter."


End file.
